midnight musings.

Ugh.  I hate when - more than anything - I just want to go to sleep, but I'm not tired in the least.  I've slept so much this weekend that I figured I could get my normal sleep schedule back.  Well, I take that back... I've napped a lot this weekend... but not really slept for longer than 3 or 4 hour increments.  And what's worse is I have no book to read anymore.  I laid in my bed a few hours ago and reread Book One (obvs I'm talking about Breaking Dawn here people!)... then skipped Book Two and started skimming the lighter parts of Book Three.  But I don't feel like rereading the rest of the book again.  So where does this leave me?

I could watch some television DVDs.  I've had an overwhelming ache in my heart for season two of Dawson's Creek.  But I always get so sad after I watch episodes (of any season of that show).  Even when I watch happy episodes... it just makes me sad and I don't really know why.  Meaghan would know, I guess.

My iPod is dying.  She's three years old now... and starting to give out on me.  I need to get a new one... I was shopping apple.com and wanted to just get a nano or something because I don't want to spend that much money, but I have waaay more gigs in my iTunes than nanos hold.  So I'll have to get another classic again, but they don't have the white classics anymore.  Angela Chase (current classic first generation video iPod) is nice and clean and white.  And I want another white one, but my only options are black or silver.  I guess I'll go with silver.

Once again, I've come from another vacation and feel like I have infinite stories to share.  But my stories are always bad.  I give too many details.  I leave nothing to the imagination.  I just want my experiences to come across clearly, but it makes it annoying for the person on the other end of my story-telling antics.  So I'll just keep them to myself for now.  They're all tucked away in my head and some in my (paper) journal.  Just waiting for me to write that book that I'll never ever publish. :)

Maybe I'll let one of the current ones slip in an upcoming post.  It's about pencil shavings, marijuana, third graders, and coupon money.  It's one Jess told me.  She has fascinating stories I think.  I'm going to miss her so much.  I already do.  She's already in Chattanooga.  She called a few hours ago to talk to me about the book.  THE book... you know what I'm talking about... we love those vampires.

I always go into depression when I'm around people 24/7 and then go straight into a time when I'm by myself for long periods of time.  I need people I think.  I've been so sad this weekend.  I'll be glad when morning comes and I have to go to work so I can have others around me.  I just want them there... they don't have to interact a lot.  

Things that I have learned about myself this past week:  I am much much shyer than I let on.  I never realized how much I hate a lot of attention from so many people when it is just me.  I don't care to get on stage and play a role... the audience could be in numbers in the millions and I think I would be okay.  But when I have people interested in me, just Rhianna, asking me questions about myself and my feelings about certain things and opinions... I freak out a little.  I hate it.  I'd rather crawl in a corner and die.  I don't know myself at all.  I wish I did.
Also... I could never live in southern California.  Besides the weather, there was nothing appealing to me at all about living there.  I've only been there a total of two weeks in my (rather) short life - a week in L.A. in high school, a week in San Diego just now - so maybe I don't have the best idea, but I'm pretty darn sure I would be miserable.  The people are different there.  I don't know.

Would you look at that.  I've written entirely too much in a short amount of time.  The really silly thing is, I actually believe people read this pitiful blog.  I'm too vain sometimes.

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