an awkward night at the mexican restaurant.

Last night John & I went to run some errands in the next town over (still in our county) and afterwards decided to eat at the Mexican restaurant before heading home to watch the Olympics.  As soon as we walked in and were seated we knew it was going to be an interesting experience.  We were seated at a booth in the bar area which happened to be the unofficial "high school kids hang out" that night.  You see, even though this town is bigger than ours, it's still really small & there still is not much going on... and bless their hearts, there's not much to do besides hang out at Wal*Mart.  So, okay, we're the oldest in the room aside from two men in their late thirties sitting at the bar. 

While we sat amongst the giggles and flirtations of all the kids across the room, our conversation was mostly reminiscing about the summer before senior year of high school and the weird music choices this establishment was playing:  a country song (John was a bit horrified that I knew all the words to the country songs... I have to remind him of my Kentucky roots, that stuff just seeps into my brain without me even realizing it), then a rap song, then a Top 40 hit, then an old country song, then another rap song, and then Cooperhead Road.  It was when Cooperhead Road came on that things started to get really weird.

Five girls (I'm guessing 15-16yrs) were seated at one of the booths at the far end of the bar area (John & I were in the middle of the room, right across from the bar), when Cooperhead Road came on two girls started stomping their feet in rhythm, and then one got up and started dancing.  Now, I'm not hip to all these choreographed dances... I mean, I know my fair share as a faithful wedding attendant, but I did not know this particular line dance that this girl was doing.  I want to point out that Ponytail (that's what we will call this girl) was the youngest looking one in this group... if she wasn't with the other girls that looked a bit older, I would've guessed her age to be about 13.  I'm pretty sure that Ponytail was about 15 though.  Anyway, Too Much Eyeliner, Curly Sue, & Tries Too Hard decide to join their friend Ponytail in this dance.  Now there are four girls dancing to Cooperhead Road in the middle of a Mexican Restaurant at 6pm on a Wednesday night.  The fifth girl in their group stayed at the table.  John and I are bemused by these girls clearly seeking attention from the bartender, men at the bar, and their classmates seated on the opposite end of the bar room.  So Creepy Bachelor #1 gets up from the bar and at first I'm horrified because I think he's going to start dancing with them, but he just goes over and moves some tables and chairs out of the way for them so they have room... then sits back at the bar with Creepy Bachelor #2 and they watch the girls a bit and then return to their drinks.  Cooperhead Road ends, the girls sit down, giggling about their performance.  A few other random songs play until the girls get up and Tries Too Hard gives the waiter her iPod and tells him to start playing a certain song.  He complies, and then suddenly we are in the middle of a dance club - booming bass, dirty lyrics, the works.  Some older women walk in to sit at the bar and are taken aback by what is going on in here.  The four girls have gone back to their "dance floor" and start another one of those choreographed line dance things but this one has some bumping and grinding in it.  Creepy Bachelor #1 let's out a "yeaaaaaah" as the girls shake their booties.  CB #1&2 both turn their chairs to stare directly at these young girls.  The bartender and the waiter are smiling at the girls, the old bachelors are leering, their classmates are contemplating coming over and dancing... this is what this little gaggle wants, clearly.  John and I are getting super uncomfortable because Ponytail has affixed her "bedroom eyes" on the old creepsters while she shakes her hips, CB #1 is still letting out "yeaaaahs" as the girls dance and talking to CB#2 about the young girls, and we are sitting in the middle of a Mexican Restaurant at 6PM on a Wednesday night in a tiny town in our country county and there is booty-shakin music blasting in this room.  I tell John that we have to leave now, he whole-heartedly agrees... because there are many things wrong with this picture and Creepy Bachelor #1 looks like he is so close to bumping and grinding all up on Ponytail (who looks SO young, y'all... so young) and pedophilia is just not for me.   These girls were no longer just having fun with their girlfriends.  And I had one of my first "I'm getting old moments" when I legitimately wondered "where are their mothers?!" while simultaneously wishing I had grabbed condoms to hand out to everyone in the room and tell them to "make good choices" and "remember: no means no."  Oi vey.  It was so awkward.  I told John I was glad we were leaving before the cops are called (this music was LOUD and there were young girls bumping and grinding while grown men leered).  As soon as I walked out into the sunshine I shivered all the skeevies off and wanted to shower to get the look of those men out of my whole being.  Ew.

Most awkward Mexican restaurant experience ever.

on hermit crabs.

Until last week, the last time I had any encounter with a hermit crab was a few years ago when I stepped into the L's house and Lucie was screaming.  I came over to babysit for the night (or weekend, I don't remember which) and as soon as I walked into the foyer I could hear her upstairs in her bedroom screaming and crying.  I immediately dashed up the stairs to see what was happening and found her in her bathroom with tears streaming down her face.  She had a small cage beside her and in the cage was a dead hermit crab.  Trent, her big brother, bounded down the hall into the bathroom with us to see what was happening.  He grabbed the cage and took it over to their parents room and showed them the source of Lucie's distress.  They comforted her as best they could until the tears stopped and, after some time, they left the house - me alone with two kids and a dead crab.  My first order of business that early evening was planning a funeral.  We went outside with a small shovel, a hand drawn card, and a small box containing the lime green & hot pink shelled hermit crab.  Trent took over the ceremony, Lucie stood quietly beside me.  He dug the shallow grave under a huge magnolia tree, placed the box in the hole, covered it up, found two sticks to form into a make-shift cross, and placed Lucie's card on the grave.  Trent's a good big brother.  He asked Lucie if she wanted to say anything, she slowly nodded and simply said, "goodbye.  I loved you."  Trent followed that up with some words about that crab being the best crab they've ever had and how he's sure it is now in crab heaven.  I finished it up with a simple "amen" and gave Lucie a hug.  She turned to me and asked if we could go jump on the trampoline. 

Maybe a story about a dead crab isn't the best way to start out talking about my new crab.  Or maybe it is... remind us of how short life is, especially if you're a scavenger crustacean near the bottom of the food chain.  I've owned a hermit crab before.  I was about ten years old, his name was Skeeter, and that story ends similarly to the one above.  Let's just say, I loved him a lot and thought he was cool, but someone, who promised to take care of him, forgot about him while I was away at summer camp.  You know how it ends...

On our second to last full day at the beach last week we decided to stop into the Scotch Bonnet for some fudge.  "Featured on The Food Network" fudge... John got Fire & Ice and I got Espresso and both were delicious.  But this story is not about fudge, it's about a crab.  In the back of the store there were fixins for hermit crabs but no crabs.  I asked the shop owner about them and he said they wouldn't get any in to start selling until Memorial Day. Then he asked me if I wanted a hermit crab.  Some tourists had left a couple hermit crabs on the porch, after they got them they didn't want to take them back home.  One, unfortunately, died, but he still had one that he kept in a cage behind the counter.  "It's yours, if you want it," he said.  I said YES.  How could I say no to a small hermit crab, in a garish, Batman-painted shell that had been abandoned and was still thriving?  I'm a sucker for rescues.  I went back to our beach house with the crab, a small booklet on hermit crabs, and the fudge in tow.  All the other adults in the house laughed at the story but quickly became super interested and entertained by the new house resident.  I set her cage on the table in the living room, along with the booklet, and throughout the rest of the days & nights at that house, I think I saw almost everyone pick up the booklet and read through it.  It was interesting to see so many people having conversations about the nature of hermit crabs.  I named her Hilary Duff.  After the Lizzie McGuire star... obviously. She's a very active crab.  She loves climbing around and is not shy at all.  I didn't know a hermit crab could be so fun as an adult.   The cats haven't shown interest in her yet, and I'm hoping it stays that way. I've loved having her for this past week and hope she sticks around a long time. I feel way better preprared to take care of her now than when I was ten, so hopefully I won't have to plan any funerals anytime soon.